you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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