this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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