I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
17 year olds will be the death of me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
