wrigley field is MILF paradise
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
