she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
