I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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