Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
