new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
