At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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