okay pat passed out under dana's car
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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