and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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