Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
