dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
