i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
