I just saw a hot homeless man
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
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