garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
