This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
whose parrot is this?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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