Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
