i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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