Michael Bay diarrhea
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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