I'm jealous of your bromance
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm too high and old for this...
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