The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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