Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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