how can u be prego again
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize