Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
