My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
