My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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