Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
