I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
