Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
