just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
