we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
