**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just forgot I was standing up.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
