Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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