I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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