i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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