he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
