its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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