If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
