You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
