Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize