ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
