***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
