dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
