What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize