Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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