In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
