you traded sex for a burrito?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My dick has a subreddit
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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