No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
