Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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