I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize