He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
