so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
