I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
