Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize