just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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