I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
No subtext here. People are naked.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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