bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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