The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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