This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
