Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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