Pappa wants mamma naked
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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