Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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