My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
