i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
