I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
