I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
either way he was missing a nipple.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
