I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
