Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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