is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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