they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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