my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
