people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
