he puts the penis in happiness.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
last night I used snow as a chaser
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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