Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I cut my penus on the lid.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I deserve this hangover.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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