So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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