I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
