Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
