im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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