fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
