...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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