areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
