I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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