It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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