Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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