32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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