The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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