Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
