How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
