I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
