Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You can't special order awesome
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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