don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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