I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
