I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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