I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just google imaged poop.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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