I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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