she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
